Sunday, October 26, 2008

Carve yourself a Barack O' Lantern

Boulder County: Full of crazy-ass liberals.

How I love my town, let me count the ways all $1,767,469 of them. That's the total campaign contributions from Boulder County to the Obama campaign. How much did Mr. Magoo get? $166,820. Not bad considering this is home to the craziest bunch of lefties in the known Universe.

"There are very active people that are aware of and concerned about the issues," said Pat Waak, chairwoman of the Colorado Democratic Party. I don't know if that even begins to cover what's been happening in Boulder during this 2008 campaign. Parents clothe their 8 year-olds in Obama t-shirts and buttons, seemingly every yard has an Obama/Biden sign in it, restaurants hold fundraising events for the Obama campaign, Liberals gathered at local bars to watch the Presidential Debates, all the while cheering and jeering at the TVs. The homeless down on Pearl St. have changed their cardboard signs from "Will work for Food" to "Will vote for Obama" Little do they know that the crazy Boulderite who just gave him $20 will drag his sorry ass down to the County Courthouse and do everything in their power to see if that guy can vote. You have to drive to Erie or Longmont to see your first McCain/Palin yard sign, well acutally I did see one in the North-Eastern part of Boulder. Talk about hopeless, this is like being a Yankee fan in the south side of Boston. A bit of relief from Bruce Oreck, a Boulder attorney, "If voter turnout is heavy in Boulder County, it could sway Colorado for Obama, and it seems how Colorado goes could affect how the nation goes. So it's turning out that little old Boulder County could be a pivotal place." That's what I'm talking about you crazy-ass Liberals!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Say it ain't so John the Quarterback

John the Mudslinger McCain was back campaigning in Colorado on Friday with former Broncos quarterback John Elway. He drew an impressively, massive crowd of 6,000 hate spewing, fear spreading, ignoramuses to Durango High School. On the front page of the Rocky Mountain News today I had the priviledge of reading this:

"I think when the votes come in, Obama will be surprised," said Chris Gregory, an unaffiliated Durango voter who works as a high school janitor. Gregory is supporting Mccain and his running mate Sarah Palin because they are "the true Americans."

Oh brother, where do I begin. When the votes come in, Obama will be surprised. "Oh SNAP! I didn't think we'd actually win Georgia, North Carolina, Virginia and Indiana. AND Ohio AND Florida?! It's as if the natural universe is turning upside down on its head. What in the name of REAL America is going on here?" As for the "true Americans" quote, its already been well documented that Todd Palin, Governor Dipshit's husband, was once part of the Alaskan Successionist Party, for you Republicans that means they were in favor of Alaska splitting from the United States to form their own country of Alaska. News flash to Chris the Janitor, John McBush and Sarah Failin' are not going to help you, at all. They're not going to help lower your taxes, they're not going to help you afford your healthcare, they're not going to help send your kids to college. But I'm sure you'll be able to afford that yourself on your janitor's wages.

Elway cautioned the crowd against counting out the McCain campaign, "I know a thing or two about comebacks," Elway said. Ok, so that's a brilliant line, but Johnny boy, this is not being on the two yard line in Cleveland, in the Dawg Pound, with two minutes left to send your team to the Super Bowl. This is like being in a marathon and you're 3 and half miles behind the Kenyan team and they have the finish line in sight. Now that's a brilliant line.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Fake America

Who's patriotic? Well, certainly not me seeing how I already cast my vote for that no good terrorist Barack Obama. Here's a portion of a funny email I received about the "Blue States" succeeding from the Union to start, what Jon Stewart affectionately refers to as, "Fake America."

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low- sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 % of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you. Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61% of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

Classic, I love the part about having to foot the bill for the health care costs of 88% of obese Americans. The state I voted in, Colorado, has continued to have the smallest percentage of overweight citizens of any state for the past 30 years. It will be great to see my home state go Blue for only the 3rd time in its history.

Here's a video from the Daily Show about "Fake America"